On Saturday, I had the privilege of discussing how to find joy and pleasure during menopause with somatic healer, couples coach, and sexpert, Juliette Karaman-van Schaardenburg.
The menopausal transition, often accompanied by debilitating physical symptoms, is frequently portrayed as a challenging life cycle. It is no wonder that so many women cringe at the term, and experience anxiety about "the transition."
To these women, I have a message.
I see you. You are not alone. And, you may just want to listen to my full conversation with Juliette, who explains this time as one of self-discovery, healing, and renewed pleasure.
Here are my top five takeaways from our conversation:
1. Reconnecting with Your Body Can Happen in Six Minutes Per Day:
Juliet emphasizes the importance of getting back in touch with our physical selves during menopause, through simple practices like taking 90-second breaks throughout the day to check in with our bodies. She advises clients to take at least 3, 90-second microbreaks.
During these breaks she suggests:
- That we take notice of our breath.
- Next, we should pay attention to any images that arises.
- Followed by observing bodily sensations.
- Finally we bare witness to emotions present, and should observe this all without judgment.
This quick practice helps us to rebuild our mind-body connection which is often disrupted by hormonal shifts.
2. Redefining the Concept of Intimacy and Pleasure:
When we hear the word 'pleasure,' many of us immediately think about sex, the thought of which can cause the menopausal to cringe in fear of pain. When Juliette mentions pleasure, she is referring to her "bundles of joy," which can include savoring a perfectly prepared cup of tea, the feeling of grass under foot, cuddling with a pet, getting a great night's sleep, even escorting our phone out of the bedroom at night. These moments of joy can help us create new neural pathways for increased positivity.
By learning what we love out of the bedroom, it can help guide us to more comfortable experiences in our partnerships.
3. Setting Boundaries to Create a Sense of Safety and Bodily Autonomy:
Learning to say "no" is a powerful act of self-care. Juliet shared the empowering perspective that "no is a complete sentence," meaning there is no need to over explain ourselves, especially when it comes to our bodies.
She recommends that we practice saying 'no' at least once a day, even if it is something that isn't problematic. Saying 'no' to simple things like a coffee date or a or an invitation that isn't a strong 'yes,' helps us to have these conversations when it really matters, like when working on building intimacy with partners.
4. Embracing Change and New Experiences Can Lead to Profound Joy:
Menopause is a time of great change and can also be a season of incredible self-knowledge and rebirth. Our likes and passions transform with us as we age, so things that were once pleasurable may not please us any longer. Not feeling like our former selves can leave us depressed and anxious.
To reignite creativity and passion, Juliet recommends breaking out of routines with simple practices like walking backward for a few steps, dancing spontaneously, or exploring other new hobbies. Finding new beloved activities can reinvigorate us and help us reconnect to our feelings of joy and wonder.
5. Self-Compassion is an Important Path to Moving Forward:
Perhaps most importantly, Juliet emphasizes treating ourselves with kindness during this transition. Taking time to look in the mirror with benevolence, to practice gratitude for our bodies, and to consistently recognize qualities we love about ourselves can help us heal.
One of her suggested practices is to identify three new qualities we love about ourselves each night before bed.
With the right mindset and tools, the menopausal transition can be a profound opportunity for self-discovery, pleasure, and renewed zest for life. By reconnecting with our bodies, expanding our definition of joy, and treating ourselves with compassion, we can emerge from this transition stronger and more vibrant than ever.
Kacy Fleming
Kacy Fleming is devoted to fostering human well-being, especially for midlife career women. To that aim she works 1:1, coaching women to thrive through the menopausal transition, as well as working with organizations to help them foster supportive environments for midlife women.
In addition to being the CEO and founder of The Fuchsia Tent, Kacy is a multiple award-winning well-being strategist, and life-coach, with a Master’s in Organizational Psychology and a passion for helping people.